"I'm Lost, Please Help Me" Part One

I’m trying to feel safe enough to just admit “I’m lost”. Then enjoy the moment of saying “please help me”. I’ve spent weeks working up to this.

But I’m not alone, am I?

The endless advice, insight, solutions we’re surrounded by everyday only make me feel more lost. How have I not packaged up 47 years of living, 32 years of music making, 17 years of running labels, 9 years of marriage into something concise, useful and engaging yet?

If you know me, you know I struggle to see the value held in my brain (I’m working on it – thank you NHS talking therapy) but admitting to feeling lost is starting to help me see “lostness” as a useful place.

My Help Habit

At some point asking for help stopped being something that scared me. Now it’s like a habit that keeps bringing me into positive new places.

Most weeks it connects me to people, it breaks me out of my head, it gets me on the phone, it takes me out for coffee.

Running labels taught me so much about asking for help and finding it in abundance. It seemed easier when I desperately wanted to help another artist succeed. But I’m not always so good at applying what’s good for others to myself.

In the last year though, I’ve started thinking about it a lot more and it feels different. This time I got a whole album out of it.

It’s OK To Get Lost

I spent two whole hours last night with Sas (my wife and the main sufferer of my endless overthinking), discussing how to explain this lost feeling and not seem negative. We both went to bed feeling slightly more lost.

If I admit I feel lost and confused, will you think I can’t run a label, produce your record, mix your album?

I don’t do well with certainty and never really have. The more certain I try to be about something, the less certain it becomes in my mind. Too many questions, contradictory voices. It’s a strength when you think of it as empathy, but it’s equally infuriating when you just want to say, “this means this” and have everyone cheer, hit the like button and subscribe to your Substack/YouTube/Instagram.

Right now, I’m just trying to own my lostness and accept that I still do good, occasionally great things despite (or even because of) it.

And it genuinely is the story of an album, which I genuinely want to ask you to help me celebrate and share.

Dealing with all this has led to me making some of the most beautiful music of my life. Maybe the songs I’m proudest of so far.

Please Help Me

This is the bit where I ask you. And if you want to ask me for help, don’t be shy, but me first…

These coming songs were created as places to inhabit, to rest and embrace lostness and fear and love and being alive. I’m going to try and create moments for us to experience this music together, to share in it in a moment. The first one is next week, and it’s a big one.

I’ve set up a live stream on YouTube. I’ll be in my living/listening room at 8pm on Wednesday 22^nd, ready to hit play and then have a little time with you after to chat about it all.

Please come and join me. Head to YouTube now, subscribe and hit the “notify me” button.

And if you want to keep hearing about how being lost led me to making an album?Then please subscribe here too.

Thank you. x